something from my wiithin self... not recommended as it hardly makes sense, just an attempt to vent out..
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today, i embark on a journey to find something more worth to do.. the past 2 years working have been wonderful, but every good thing saturates :) and I've been searching for something more exciting, challenging & satisfying. There were days when I wanted to be a photographer, days, when I wanted to be an entrepreneur and have a startup, days, which I simply wanted to spend reading literature, listening to music in a coffeeshop meeting new people. Nothing is out of the league, for as of now, if I want, I can choose anything and move ahead.
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Moving back few weeks, the only moments I ponder too much about life are the ones I spend on a beach or on the door of a moving train at 4 in the morning.. A metaphor might describe it the best: I'm driving, and the road ends - but there are 5 - 6 more roads in front of me, some going uphill and some downhill.. Downhill ones are obviously looking easy but I cant see too far, my vision is limited to a different extent on each of these roads... I wish if it would have been like in DDLJ, where there were 2 roads - one easy and one difficult yet satisfying... Here I'm blessed with too many options, too many to be sane enough to understand 'em all.. Uphill, the vision is too too bad - the only thing I know is the fact that treading this road will surely be a daunting task, not only for me but my loved ones, but alteast it will make me go up..
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The past few days, I prioritized these options and now the next few months seem to robotic and mechanical to believe, but I do hope that it will help me realise the things and sort the available options in a better way!! This feel is more painfull if taken at a partular moment - as an impulse, but looking in a broader prespective it's much more soothing to know that I have backups done... :D
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I was discussing with a friend of mine yesterday night - that this age (phase of life) is so bloody uncertain.. Books have been written about the so called "Quarter Life Syndrome" - thank u for letting me know bout 'em... :D But on a certain level, I do feel that its more like virus. Whatever solution u give your virus, they somehow become immune to ur antidote and strikes again the next time with higher vigour (read as deadliness) and renders one - helpless and desperate for something else to cure the shit.. Who said biology cudn be related to philosophy... :P
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One of the most sane way of finding answers to life is to define the short term 'n the long term goals and then the decision becomes somewhat easy.. In most of the situations, for most of us - the short term goals are more happiness giving whereas the long term ones are those you dream about.. or the things in life or the quality which u always craved but never got!! And making a small sacrifice normally makes room for working towards the long term goal and also an oppurtunity to satisfy your short term goal somewhere mid-way.. well only if you keep that "spark" alive within your heart... But, there's an unexplained deadlock or the race condition (u'd know the race condition if you studied flip flops) which arises if you choose the long term derivative goal to your short term happiness AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO IN ORDER TO MOVE FOR YOUR LONG TERM DREAM.. And you know, this was what that generated the metaphor above :-)
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Now almost all I know, we talk about life when drunk.. There was one thing that was concluded in such a conversation - that sometimes its the best to leave things as they are.. let the time pass and the jumbled pieces to join together - sooner or later one finds the purpose and the road to move ahead.. Sounds good, aite? Helps a lot, belive me!! BUT ISN'T THIS ABOUT BEING COMPLACENT!!
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If anyone dared to read till here, dude(tte) you have serious issues and lots of time :).. I decided sometimes back that I will try not to post vent outs of my mind as I did the last 2 times and it takes guts on my end to read after few days.. This post makes a point to not become a hate post - but consist of healthy conversations.. I feel good right now - like a 13.4 KG block has been lifted off my shoulders and it does feel good...
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A perfect solution to all my thoughts was to modify the goals I had and suddenly everything feel into its place - like the jigsaw puzzle I wrote about.. :) I'm just flying off my comfort zone and (balakumar) reddy to kick some serious ass!!!
